Am i sick?

Assalamualaikum.

This post typing under full of consciousness.
'Lil psychos.
Or too much of assuming.
Maybe twenty percent facts, duh.

For real of what happened to my body right now...

So scared.
Am I sick?
Am I really sick?
Or I just over reacting. Hope so.

Few days ago, I posted about how super tired I am.
That i just wanna be in my bed all day long and do nothing.
Not even to take a break and go to kitchen and get something to eat.
Not so hungry duh.
Not complaining.
What my goals are I just wanna lie down and rest my mind.

In between case also, I'm not in boost.

Sometimes one case makes me acted like i'm doing 24 hour services.

I don't excited like before.

I think i need a vacation. Maybe.

Another post, I also wrote about how easily i bruised.

And it's continue 'till today.
Sometimes when i woke up in the next morning and do my routine then I realize i have those blackish blue spot.
Bit pain but it considerable.
I no idea where i get it. 

Usually at my hand and my legs.

Did i bump into something so frequently?

Redness part, it's normal thing to me.
I can get everywhere, anytime, any moments. I'm ok duh.
Just when it's reach a limit, I cannot take it. Where the time comes,
When i have redness, i felt warm and hot uncontrollably, and pain increasing.
Then, i need those ice pack, and forced myself to sleep.
Because i know, it will spreading and make it more worsen.
Which i didn't like it.

At first i thought it's some allergic. But how come i can allergies too so many thing, right.

And now, I realized my gum seems actively bleeds.
When i brush my teeth, it's ok.
I think they will out when they like duh. Hailo.
It's bleed even when I'm doing cases.
Not comfortable actually, but I tried to pretend I'm ok.

If i have to spit it out, then i know my gums still bleeds and i need those gauze to apply pressure.

When I'm talking to someone too, it's show.. And they said, hey your gums are bleed.
Then i know.

Faster gurgled and apply pressure, then they ok.
Weird.

I think my dental appointment is still on schedule.

About my intake. One time i have no appetite. 

I barely comfortable with some bread only in a full week.
Even when i get free foods, i just ate what i felt too and the rest, i give others.
Or i just give them all.

Or my lunch box also i give my colleague if i don't feel to eat.
If it's continue, i just make a decision to fasting.
Better.
I felt better this way.

Not missed, i have nauseous for no reason.
Is it because i ate nothing or i ate too much?
Donno.
If i felt this way, I quickly get my candy. That's why i have big jar of candy on standby.
And tried to drink lots of water.
And i felt better.

The others part of me, i also had a short memory lost.

This one is forever me.
Like two days ago, i missed my phone at shop retail when i want bought some groceries.

Luckily, one of the client returned back to the cashier. Alhamdulillah.

And i will always not take back my id card with me obviously. 

Until the cleaner have to kept it on behalf.

The most forgetting issues are when i nearly missed my big amount of money for charity project.

Alhamdulillah again. Found it.

And i also can't remember lots thing like some people name, and where i park my motorcycle somehow. Creepy right.

That's why the main reason this blog created.

I want my memories lasted more longer.

For all this, i think i have to do a blood test.

Which i really want!
I want to know what's going on to my body. But sadly, i don't have time to do it this kind of things.
I know, if i cannot do it at my own hospital. I'm ok if to do it at any place.
I will pay. Ok.

But, when will i do it? I donno.
May Allah bless me. And you. 

Us.

= )

Until i heard a word, sorry.

Assalamualaikum.

Beberapa hari lepas, I'm berperang with one of my colleagues.

And 'till now, we're still tak bertegur.

And i want to see how long it will lasted.

Really want to see.

And i will not up any white flag.

Not until he said, a word sorry!

If i bring up our case, I sure you all akan kata i'm at the right part.

Because he denial his duty and responsibility.

Which i heard itu bukanlah kali pertama dia pernah buat.

Such a nice role model yang dia nak tunjuk.

Even tough he's not admit apa yang dia buat, I'm still ok. Manusia.

And when he tried blame others atas apa yang terjadi.

Tarik kesalahan orang lain dalam kesalahan sendirik.

I surrender. 

I said, tak payah panjangkan cerita. I will found out everything in the system on behalf of him.

Full stop.

And as i'm the one in-charge. I want pass over about it in perfect figure.

So i will settle down everything that night.

Bersengkang mata tak apalah.

Janji balik on time sebab i have volunteered event in the next morning.

But, before i do anything, he balas balik. 

He will came and settle down sendrik.

I said, no need bukan big issues pon. Dia nak datang jugak. Up to him la kan.

Lagi Alhamdulillah.

Sebab tetiba, ada emergency case.

Hahhaha...

So, when i said... no sorry?

He said, No. Because I'm the one yang sepatutnya say sorry because i'm the one yang rude.

Which i think... his actually rudest than me.

Plus his all capital latter sign.

Ego detected, obviously.

But i calm myself, and said a word sorry.

Conversation ended with no sorry replied.

Disappointed, really.

Sangat kecewa pada apa yang berlaku antara kami.

When i talk about this situation to my on-call friends, is that my fault?

They said i'm in the right way.

Yeah, i knew it.

And when i said he will came later.

They all looks suprised. Sebab sebelum nih, dia tak pernah datang balik pada kesalahan dia yang lepas.

Then terfikir balik... kejam sanagt ke ayat conversation tadi?

But whatever it is, my pass over runs smooth.

Good.

For him, kami bukanlah kenal satu dua minggu.

And I still believe everyone have their own bright kindest side, he's too.

And for some reason he should learnt manners more.

I want he have a manner, please.
Someone should told him.

And when you know it's your fault, mengaku and said a word sorry.

Ikhlas ke tak belakang kira.

Itu antara kamu dan Allah.

Bila kita mahu orang lain respect kita for our manners.
Cermin diri.
Are we goods enough. And if not, tried to change.
Jangan ingat diri tu sentiasa betul.
Manusia penuh kesalahan.

I know we're work together, and as tak terserempak mana-mana, tipulah kan.
Or even one day in the same team.

But, it's look like we're avoided each other.

Sebab if dia still nak carik gaduh, Really memang akan melayang penumbuk se-.

Better this way.

Play safe.

Until i heard a word, sorry.

Which seems like sorry is the hardest things to him.

Berita daripada Allah

Assalamualaikum,

Sedang meluangkan masa melihat apa yang menarik di Facebook,
Pada setiap yang terpapar di skrin telefon.
Dan, tiba-tiba.
Terpaku...
Terjumpa suatu ayat yang sangat menarik perhatian.
Juga untuk dikongsi bersama.

Perkara ini sudah lama dipaparkan. Dan sudah lama disimpan di telefon.
Ingin segera dikongsi, namun tiada kesempatan.
Maafkanlah.
Namun, hari ini berpeluang untuk berkongsi.
Semoga bermanfaat.
Semoga mendapat syafaat bersama.

Benar.
Surat khabar adalah daripada ayat manusia sendiri.
Ynag mana masih belajar bertatih mencedok ilmu Allah.
Manakala Quran itu adalah kalam Allah.
Yang mengetahui apa yang berlaku pada segalanya.
Sungguh kita terlepas pandang pada semua ini.
MasyaAllah.

Bacalh Quran.
Teruskalah perjuangan!

Kajilah dengan mendalam pada isi Quran.
Dengan maksud tersirat disebaliknya.
Supaya nanti kita tidak rugi.
Tidak menyesal,
Apatah lagi bila ajal datang menyemput.
Bahawasanya kita telam khatam dengan jujurnya akan semuanya.

Berubahlah daripada mendengar omongan kosong manusia pada penuhnya kalam Allah.
Ambillah masa,
Allah tetap menunggu.
Jika kita datang merangkak pada Allah.
Allah menolong kita berdiri dan berlari ke JannahNya.
Yakinlah itu.

InsyaAllah.
Semoga usaha ini di berkati dan dimuliakanNya.
Aamin.
= )

Bergedil degil

Assalamualaikum,

Resepi nih dapat from my mak cik masa time raya beberapa tahun lepas dan lepasnya.
Lama dah...
Since that, try buat kat family sendirik. And diorang sangat suka kannya.

Pastu memang rajin buat lah.
Sebab sedap and mudah.
And kenyang.

So, bahan utama adalah kentang. Kentang ni buang kulit dia and potong ikut suka or wedges ke apa. And gorengkan dia.

Goreng sampai dia separa masak.

Kentang ni gak, if korang ada lebihan french fries yang rasa malas nak makan lagi. Boleh gunakan jugak. 

Valid in my resepi.

OK.

Some bawang goreng. Bawang goreng buat sendirik or yang sedia ada. Boleh jer.

Tak cerewet. 

With some ayam or daging yang dicarik-carik isinya.

Nak combined dua-dua pon boleh.

Nak pick satu je pon ok.

Ni kuantiti, ikut si pembuat and si pemakan.

Dan some daun sup, daun bawang pon boleh.

Sikit jer.

Sebab tu kebanykan orang buat bergedil bila ada masak sup ke soto.

So diorang punya daun sup biasa kan ada lebih-lebih. Masuk la dalam ini resepi.

Masuk akal kan.

Garam and bit of lada hitam.

Then gaulkan semuanya bagi rapi dan bulatkanlah kecil-kecil ke besar-besar ikut kelyuasan mulut masing-masing.

And other mangkuk, prepare telur.

Yang dipukul halus.

Siap untuk digoreng.

Panaskan minyak.

And salut bulat-bulat bahan-bahan tadi dengan telur dan masukkan dalam pan.

Minyak disarankan letak sikit jer. Just nak bagi lapisan telur tukar kaler jer.

Dalam dah masak.

Sebab if banyak minyak, banyaklah minyak akan diserap nanti.

Tak healthy ok.

Selain goreng dia, boleh gak bakar in oven.

Just tabur sikit minyak and bakarlah.

Lima minit in 200 degree pon ok.

Sekejap je.

Nak tukar kaler dia je.

Then boleh hidang dan makan bersama-sama.

Selamat mencuba!

Volunteered 2017: Mari mengeja!

Don't just teach your children to read, teach them to question what they read. Teach them to question everything.
(George Carlin)...
But my answer may isn't everything right duh. Rational zone.
At least mencuba kan.
Keep fighting kids! Even you all not my real kids.
Whatever.
Cannot wait tengok kamu semua boleh membaca dan teruskan membaca.
Nanti boleh share minat yang sama and treasure more adventurous books.
Yeahhh...
 #sukatengokdiorangmembaca
#sorryifgelakdalamdiam
 #bahasabakuterlampau
#ithinkicanbeateacherlah

I'm super tired

Assalamualaikum.

Bulan ini sememangnya membuatkan I'm super tired.
Exhausted semua.

This kind of things makes me so sleepy because all energy are being drain out.

And all want is my bed only. Nothing else. Not even a food.

Little nap is fine.

With some laziness, lama la tak updating my blog.

Sorry guys.

Banyak stories actually nak share, but nak open laptop pon tak larat.

Tak ada masa.

Maka the best part, tertinggal gitu je.

Sorry again.

I'm terikat dengan full house of oncall.

And today I'm oncall too!

Cover for my colleague.

Then, tomorrow after pass over, merempit terus ke tempat anak yatim untuk my first volunteered programs for 2017.

So late kan.

Huhuhuuuu....

Not forget, yang masa Chinese New Year, I'm oncall two days. Sunday and monday.

Sunday tu jadik tukang cover for my colleague.

Maka cannot lah make it untuk join mereka go to Kelantan attends our colleague wedding.

So sad.

I tried to change my oncall, but my ketua said... team not strong enough.

So alang-alang tak boleh tukar.

Buat jelah dua oncall sekaligus!

Tak merungaut pon, 

Sebab itu semua rezeki.

Alhamdulillah la kan. Boleh save money banyak sikit for this month.

Even i'm busy with my work and dhunya things... i still sempat bangun pagi and pergi untuk Subuh berjemaah.

Great!

If sempat lagi, joining untuk Magrib and Isyak berjemmah jugak.

Ni part paling i likes.

Thanks Allah.

And i already transferred my money for my parents join my sister punya programme untuk ke Cameroon Highlands.

Hope diorang boleh enjoy and have fun there.

Nak bawak diorang tak sempat.

Ni jelah yang boleh tolong.

Mereka akan bertolak early Febuary.

Any picture will update here if my Febuary schedule oncall not havoc as January.

Hhehehhe...

Alright.

Bye.

Bersukan!

My sister sent this picture this morning.
This picture are looking good.
Ans and Apiz tengah berebut bola... they're likes having fun in early morning.
And at the other side actually ada some nenek tengah senam.
And i said, suh Anas join mereka. Mesti diorang akan more bersemangat.
Ans and the heartbreaker smiling.
Hhahahha...
Rindu lah kamu semua!

Death, clarifies your life

Assalamualaikum,

After i finished seen a very nice Ted talk from Candy Chang about, before i die i want to... topics.
I just stares at my phone, and,
I looks out from my window.
And started to think deeply.
How about me?
Before my time comes, before i die,  what i want to do, to be?

That one thing i must do it without no regrets later on.

It's actually a very easy question but difficult and complicated answer.

If only one thing i can do before i die.

I think it's obviously related about my Creator...

Because i want to die in peacefully Islam ways.

Even i have a chance to do that's good thing... i will still wonder,

Do i ready inside out to face to face with Him?

That are my pahala good enough to be in His heaven?

And if i missed or less in something, will Allah help me?

Or anyone will help me?

Then, all of this issues, 

Thinking about death clarifies my life.

Because in this world you may be a billionaire, a celebrity or an icon.
But to the Angel of Death, you're just another name on the list.
Death has no time limit.

No age consider.
Death doesn't have expired date.
Death will surely comes...

Have you been prepared for death my friends?

May Allah bless us.
Together do the right things, because i want us to be a neighbor in Jannah.

Aamin.

Lelaki sekarang

Assalamualaikum.

Let's talked about some guys thing here in my point of view.
I can said, lelaki sekarang banyak dah perubahannya.
Like 360 degree.
Too different from my expectation, duh.
In a good ways or sebaliknya... korang hadamkanlah sendiri.

Bersiap?
If you want to compare me with two three guys in one competition.
I think, i won with no pressure.
I donno why they are doing in there. Baru nak gosok baju or basuh baju ke.
Tapi, tolonglah.
Tak payahlah nak handsome-handsome sangat, kalau muka dah memang muka pecah rumah. Pasrah jelah.
Time is clicking you know.
I always said, lambat tinggal. I hate waiting.

Diet?
Yeah, when i still in my fav bread spread with peanut butter and chocolate... and a cup of milk.
They more prefer for those cereal, all types yang entah pape macam. Konon sihatlah tu.
Selang dua jam, masuk pantry balik haunt makanan.
Berdekah jer.

And no rice at lunch time.
Where the hell they will get all those energy!
From their cengkung face?
Geleng kepala.
Whatever.

Not my money, not my stomach. Not my issues.

Kecoh?
Sorry. This one cannot cover.
They all memang kecoh, menyebuk and menyemak sometimes.
Annoying obviously.
Their reaction uncontrollably, and their comment lebih pedas menusuk.
Wa cakap lu...

Rude?
Not gonna lie.
Some guys are rude melampau.
They likes to sendawa kuat, kentut even bersepah, and not wash own plates.
Nih I really rasa nak tendang keluar tingkap jer.
Gih duk hutan and kawan dengan all those animals there and can lives with us whenever you know meaning manners tu apa.
Geram gila.

After all, they are more open. Where it's good. Too good in some part.
And, needs more manly.
Lagi-lagi part diet melampau.
Like, seriously guys...
Wanna join Malaysian next top model ker?

Shahril.la.la.land

Assalamualaikum,

Hujung dec masa tu, ada sorang kawan sekerja telah berhenti dengan jayanya.
Ayat dengan jayanya tu memang tak boleh blah la kan.
Tapi berjaya la dia berhenti, dapat better offer dengarya.

Congrats, bro.
Rezeki anak first.
Alhamdulillah for him.

Dia ni, nak puji lebih-lebih kang... mahu kena pelangkung dek bini dia.
Bini dia sama tempat kerja.
Tapi, dia memang baik.
Serious.
And, i like him.
As my unbiological brother jer la. Gila nak lebih.

He's the one yang i can trust.
Maybe sebab kami sama-sama Johor. Orang batu dipahat katakan.
So bonding tu kuat.
Yeah, Bangsa Johor in advanced.
Kibarkanlah benderamu, Johor!
Tetiba semangat patriotic terlebih pulak.

Most i respect gila adalah cara hardworking dia kerja.
Systematic tapi bila bab ajk kebersihan dia tu, tak boleh nak tolong lah.
Kadang-kadang if my gauze terjatuh masa tengah lap-lap, sanggup cepat-cepat kutip dan acts like normal.
Tapi kantoi banyak kali.
Hailo.

And dia jenis tak berkira. Ni barulah team mates yang best.
Kadang-kadang if busy, dia tolong tuliskan untuk hard copy, some system and charges. Ada minat nak blaja.
Good.
Tapi nanti i recheck back la.
And paling tak terbalas budi adalah tolong cover untuk solat time. Mekasih buddy.

Dia gak jenis orang yang you can share openly bab agama. Ni yang i most admired.
Next time, kalo korang nak carik partner... carik camni.
Sebab agama tu penting.
Bila dia sayang Allah, kasih pada Nabi.
Dialah manusia yang tahu pendirian hidup. Sebab you tahu the reason why you're born.

And, dia ada bela saka.
Joking.
Dia kuat makan. Tapi masih melidi.
More slimmer than me.
Not adil ok.
Dia orang yang spesis kena sumbat makanan ruji, nasik, at least two hours per meal.
Jika tak... sawan dia datang. Hahhah...
Sorry, kutuk terlebih.

Sorry i cannot stay at your last working day. Sebab i very punctual bila bab mencilok balik awai.
Hohohoo...
So, shahril.la.la.land...
Terima kasih untuk segalanya.
Ilmu, dan segala apa yang diberi dan diterima.
Halalkan makan minum.
Terkasar, terguris ke apa ke. Maafkanlah.

Pray you the awesome happy ending life. With your wife, Diana and 'lil baby on the way.
Semoga semuanya sentiasa dalam iman setiap saat.
And,
Be a cool father, please.
Bye. See you in next rambut pacak style!

Merokok, ingat Allah suka?

Assalamualaikum,

Topik kali ini agak berat.
Agak-agak rasa tak sanggup nak berubah.
Tak rela nak merendahkan ego.
Tak payahlah teruskan.
Jangan buang masa, buang data internet.

Saya tegur secara baik, sebagai kawan yang sayangkan kawannya.
Bahawa jika kamu seorang perokok, silalah berhenti.
Bukan untuk sesiapa, tetapi untuk diri sendiri.
Letak tangan pada dada kiri, tanya iman.
Jika masih ada rasa sayangnya lagi pada Allah. Pada agama. Berhentilah.
Bukan dikurangkan.
Tapi berhenti seberhentinya.
Susah memang susah.
Paksalah diri.

Sebab kenapa kena sangat berhenti? Sebab merokok itu dilarang.
Jatuh haram jika masih diteruskan.
Kenapa haram?
Sunnah, fatwa mana hendak dibuktikan?
Bukan itu semua kawanku, tapi pada mata kasar pada celik ilmu agamanya, sudah boleh lihat jelas sebabnya.
Sebab merokok itu termasuk dalam aspek membunuh diri.
Suicidal attempt.
Kan Allah dah cakap, Allah melaknat orang yang membunuh diri.
Subhanallah. Kelak nanti kamu ingat Allah terima jasadmu?

Malah kamu lebih hina daripada orang yang membunuh diri,
Sebab tanpa sengaja, kamu menarik sekali orang sekeliling yang kamu sayang bersama-sama.
Dengan asap senjata si syaitan.
Kejam tak kejam...
Ingat Allah masih memaafkanmu?

Kamu bakar hasil peluh pada benda haram. Hasil kaisnya rezeki di jalan Allah.
Tidakkah kamu malu?
Siap belanja kawan-kawan sekali, benda haram itu.
Kamu jadikan ianya kebanggaan.
Ingat Allah bangga apa yang kamu lakukan?
Kamu salah, kawan.
Salah besar.

Allah beri kamu peluang hidup.
Paru-parumu masih menghasilkan pertukaran udara untuk kamu bernafas pagi ini.

Allah selamatkan ruang untuk kamu berubah. Dia masih mengharap kamu berubah.
Dan sebagai kawan, teguran ini titipan ikhlas dariku.
Yang juga mengharapkan kamu berubah. Detik demi detik.

Tutuplah dosa yang dikumpul hari-hari. Sudah sudahlah merosakkan diri sendiri.
Jangan diteruskan.
Ramai masih sayangkanmu.
Berhentilah.
Wahai kawanku.

Saya, awak

Assalamualaikum,

I think it's time for me to use a words... saya dan awak.
Even rasa geli sampai bulu ketiak masa nak sebut.
Tapi kena guna jugak.
Paksa diri.
Paksa hati.
Paksa segalanya.

Demi menukar ayat ganti diri, aku dan hengkau.
Yang sebenarnya lagi selesa guna ini. Lagi more umph kan!
Rasa close gitu.
Namun, sampai bila tak nak berubah kan?
Dayung sikit-sikit, Allah tak pernah mengeluh tunggu.

Yeah, i can do it.

Belanja satu pict sikit. Sebab nak tunjuk mata saya membesar dengan sihat. Hahhahah....LOL.

Maybe semua ini will take time.
Cannot imagine camna la diorang punya reaction.
Masa sebut nanti, diorang nak gelak guling-guling, nak terberak tercirit ke, i don't really care.
This is my decision.
This is what i want.
Please respect it.

Diorang nak balas balik dengan aku dan hengkau, still akan balas with saya dan awak...

I still who I am.
Our brotherhood will be the same bro. Jangan risau.
Cuma kali ini, kena lembut sikit. Bukan lembu, lembutttt...
Ngek.

Alright, saya kena stop.
Jumpa awak semua in next post.
Bye, stay cool guys.