10th Muharram 1444H

 Assalamualaikum,

I want shared something special for Asyhura Day here. It is actually about my off that should started at 08th Muharram but then, my manger called is it okay for me to change it on 09th Muharram and 10th Muharram. I said yeah- At first it's pretty sad because mostly Malaysian friends they off earlier and only me left for that day. They're go Haram and some go for shopping spree. But it's alright, I made plans but Allah know the best for me. 

At 4th August, after two years of pandemic KSA lift up the barrier along Kaaba and it is really make me want to go there and touch the Kiswah-Kaaba covered and maybe more wishes to kiss the Hajar Aswad. FYI, I not make it on my first Umrah, 2018. So, I really want to experience it and after 32 years of living. I do what the best for me. InsyaAllah, 

I booked the Al-Shohada Hotel because of three reasons...At first, I aim for Tahajjud and more sunnah prayer also Fajr Prayer there. My compound can't compromised it and the I just stay outside for one night. Secondly, I likes challenge and want to try other places from my usual pick likes Movenpick , Pullman, Mecca Tower and etc. Thirdly because it is cheaper than those hotel, after Hajj the price mark up to more than 500 Riyal. So, to me alone I just better look up for my budget. I need more for my transportation and food hunt.

Amazing hotel, and excellent services. I wrote it in my google reviews and InsyaAllah will come sooner. It is in front of bus station and there you can get free cold mineral water. Along side the street, there are many gift shop and one Indian food-net time let me try their Paratha! To hotel, p/s: I accidently drop a cup of hot chocolate on bedsheet and not until mattress-I left my notes with apologies and phone number if need for reimbursement. Also, easily can get Taxi or use Uber apps! Charged me less than 20 Riyal to my house. Good. 

I did my Umrah on 9th Muharram after Asr prayer plus fasting day. I don't felt hungry or tired at all only after at 5th round of Saie-two more to go! And I did it. As always, forget to bring my scissor-Never mind. Then, I bought a ''Nasi Arab'' from my favourite place while waiting for Maghrib. Since I got food with me, I just pray outside and here I saw how kindness people are-they share Kauha (herbs cinnamon) drink, fresh yellow dates, cookies. And also break fast together. I only drank Zam Zam water because I excited with my meals. Go back hotel, took a shower and I finished half of it!

Another story I want to slide in is I touch the Kiswah! The feeling is really unbearable-it made me reveal all my sadness, my regret, my sins, my hope, and my future wish. I kiss it, my tears flow non-stop, my view is blurred. Until one boy around 2 years old beside me-just stare at me and say nothing. Maybe he knows what I felt like. I put both palm and asked for Allah forgiveness, keep Iman close and good manners, making right decision in relationship, for future deal-the fortune and sadaqah, and etc. 

After rest well, I go back to Masjidil Haram for Isya' and I quickly go back Hotel because I want to stay for Sunnah and Fajr prayer. Alhamdulillah, I woke up before my alarm at 0200H and I finished my extra ''Nasi Arab'' for Sahoor and just bring sajadah, phone and one plastic bag. Keep it minimalist, girl. Then, I go down at Kaaba area and I try to kiss Hajar Aswad but the struggle is real. The men and women sided really in uncontrolled position. Even the guard there can't do anything-only voice out at certain case. I'm out after my scarf really out in place!

Then, I drank Zam-Zam water and to calm myself. I did Sunnah prayer and Taubat and etc. I pray Fjr and little dhua, and I go to Hijir Ismail and make a que there-Bismillah after forth line, I pray two sunnah rakat and Tubat inside it. Alhamdulillah-alhamdulillah-alhamdulillah, and I saw the opportunity to go near Kaaba door. I stand there, I touch the wall-the original wall of Kaaba. I pray, and contnues cries-very emotional day for me since yesterday. I can't, Kaaba make me remember that I only a little human with more sins in the eyes of The Creator. 

And from here, I go slowly to the Hajaratul Aswad. At first, I don't think I can make it like before because the struggle is real. I cry again because I think ''Is this how in the Judgemental Day-how Muslim awaiting for their Kitab and push each other to go for Allah's heaven?'' ''Is his how Muslim go war in the name of Islam?'' Their faces full of hope, their eyes wrote everything. I want to back up, I just feel lucky for Kiswah and Hijir Ismail. But, suddenly one sound from my back-an Arabic lady say their language. ''Go sister, I'm at your back. Hold on the wall. InsyaAllah,''. It make my heart steel and I cry again.

Alhamdulillah, my scarf is okay and I touch and kiss the Hajatul Aswad, and I push the lady to go after me. Thank you so much sister! I love you. After that, the struggle is real to go out from there and my scarf again up and down. Then with blurred eyes, I sat around Kaaba and adjust to address my scarf. One second it took a moments-My mind blank, my hand shaking non stop and my heart beat faster like it want to go out from my body. Then, I saw Kaaba in front me and I started to saw people around me. Then, you know...I cried for countless time. 

One hour after that, I make videocall with my parents-my sister. I showed them how Kaaba after the barrier is lift up. InsyaAllah, their opportunities to go here. Aamin! And then, they accompanied me until my hotel. My abaya wet of sweat and I smell amazing-with others sweat but it is really worth it. Truly amazing experienced. And I took shower and go for three hours nap. Then, I packed my things and check out. Leave my bag at concierge and go for Zuhur prayer. I also bought some Malaysia food from Al Safa tower level 2-''Ikan asam pedas, daging gulai'' for my fellow Malaysian. 

When I'm typing this, I just remember-did I drank a Zam Zam water while videocall my sister ? I think I am-but accidently without niat and I still high from my experiences. At soem point, I don't think I drank it. InsyaAllah, Allah accept my fasting and good intention. I felt this is great journey for Muharram and I want to explore more for this Allah month. Grab lots of deens, fixed my heart and Jannah Firdaus is everything. Amin.