Book Summary: Steve Harvey 2009 (Act like a lady, Think like a man) Part 3

13 Strong, Independent—and Lonely— Women

                  -Still, the strength it takes to “handle it” is not, in a man’s mind, where a woman’s power lies. To us, your power comes from one simple thing: you’re a woman, and we men will do anything humanly possible to impress you so that, ultimately, we can be with you.

                  - You’re the driving force behind why we wake up every day. You’re the ultimate prize to us.

                  - And if we can’t exercise two of the major components that make up who we are as men— providing and protecting—then we’re not about to profess our love for you. We absolutely will not say, “I’m your man” if you don’t let us fulfill who we are. What will end up happening instead? We’ll sleep with you and then walk away. It’s the hard truth, but that’s real.

                  -Take a page from my wife and I: there’s not a day that goes by that we don’t compliment each other at least several times a day. Appreciating a man, not undermining his confidence, is the best way to get the best out of your guy. And the best way to appreciate him is by being a girl, and especially letting him be a man.

                  -How to be a girl on a date?

                                    1. Don’t tell him where you’d like to go—tell him the kind of food and atmosphere you enjoy, and then let him figure out a place that he thinks will suit your taste.

                                    2. Don’t tell him you’ll drive—let him get you to where you all need to go.

                                    3. Don’t tell him you want to go dutch—let him pay.

                                    4. Don’t invite him up for a nightcap—kiss him good night and let him figure out what he needs to do to earn the cookie (but not before the ninety-day probation ends)

                  -How to be a girl around the house?

                                    1. Don’t try to fix the sink, the car, the toilet, or anything else—let him do it.

                                    2. Don’t take out the garbage, paint, or mow the lawn—that’s his job.

                                    3. Don’t do any of the heavy lifting—he was born with the muscle it takes to move sofas/television sets/bookshelves and the like.

                                    4. Don’t be afraid to make a meal or two—the kitchen is both your and his friend.

                                    5. Don’t wear a T-shirt to bed every night—a little lingerie never hurt anybody.

14 How to Get the Ring

                  -Your man knows what you want: the ultimate commitment—The Ring. He knows, too, what he needs: you.

                  -Your man hasn’t asked you to marry him because of one or more of the following reasons: (1) he is still married to someone else; (2) you’re really not the one he wants; or, the real answer you don’t want to hear, (3) you haven’t required him to marry you or set a date.

                  -The timeline is yours; stop giving up your power. You’ve had it drummed into your head so cold—that “I’ll never ask a man to marry me” thing—that you’ve lost all sensibility when it comes to getting what you want. But it’s not 1945 anymore! Now women have been taught all their lives that if a man loves you, he will court you and ask for your hand in marriage.

                  -Break down your value: say, “I respect you, I adore you, I’m affectionate, I pay attention to you, I’m punctual, I’m kind, I’m loyal, I’ll have your children and love them madly—and all of this is available for a handsome sum. I need your time, loyalty, support, affection, attention, punctuality, kindness, gentleman ways—I need the doors opened, chairs pulled out, your respect, and above all else, your love. I also expect a diamond ring and a walk down the aisle.” Now when a man hears this, he’s going to pay attention, because you’ve placed a high value on yourself. He’ll see that and question the situation: “Is she worth all of that?” If your cost is too high, he will move on. After all, boys shack. Men build homes.

                  -You can have this, too. Don’t be another heartbreak story. Start putting yourself first—get where you want to be, and make your man be all that he can be. Remember this: the number one cause of failure in this country is the fear of failure. Fear paralyzes you from taking action. Don’t be afraid to lose him, because if a man truly loves you, he’s not going anywhere.

15 Quick Answers to the Questions You’ve Always Wanted to Ask

                  -What do men find sexy? Men have different aesthetics, so what might be a turnoff for one man may be a total turn-on for another.

                  -How do men feel about plastic surgery weave, colored contacts, fake nails, et cetera? For the average man, whatever you’re doing to make yourself look beautiful while you’re hanging on his arm is cool by him. Why run the risk of something going wrong when your man is already happy with the way you look?

                  -How do men feel about dating women who are significantly younger than him? Like I said before, there’s somebody for everybody.

                  -Do men prefer skinny or thick women? Men like all kinds of women. It does not matter what size you are—there is a man somewhere for you.

                  -Will you date or marry a woman who smokes? I wouldn’t, and most nonsmokers wouldn’t, either. The skin of women who smoke ages prematurely and their lips are stained. It ages them internally, too. Once we nonsmoking men see that a woman doesn’t care about her own health. We’ll sleep with you, but we’re not taking you home.

                  -What do men think of their women when they gain weight, or look different than they did in the beginning of the relationship? A man who loves you is going to love you regardless. As we ourselves get bellies and love handles, we certainly understand yours. But if a man recognizes that, a few pounds notwithstanding, you’re still making an effort to do what it takes to be visually appealing, he will be fine with it.

                  -Do men prefer women in flats or heels? Heels, baby. Heels. It’s just a really sexy thing to us.

                  -Would a man dated a dumb women? A smart man can’t date a dumb woman. But he can use a dumb women-and we won’t keep her.

                  -What do men think of women who buy men drinks? It’s a total come-on. In our mind, if you want to buy us a drink, you want us. And if we think you want us, well, then, game on—we’re coming in for the kill.

                  -How do men feel about women who drink? Some men like it, but a man who doesn’t drink certainly isn’t going to care for a woman who partakes in the spirits.

                  -Should a woman buy a man gifts while they’re dating? Only if you’re in a committed relationship. Other than that, all he’ll think is (a) you’re trying to trap him, and (b) you expect something in return. Just wait and see what he’s going to bring to your table first—let him be the man and spoil you.

                  -How do men feel about a women who ask for money? Don’t do it in the beginning of the relationship, unless you’re perfectly comfortable with the title gold digger. Most men who really care about you won’t think anything of it if they have it.

                  -Would men help their women build her business? Without a doubt, if he’s really secure in his manhood, he’ll help.

                  -Do you mind if your woman doesn’t work? Not at all.

                  -How do men really feel about women drivers? This is the twenty-first century, so most men don’t have a problem with women drivers.

                  -Does it matter if a woman likes sports? No. Some guys like that, but mostly what they like is enjoying the game in peace.

                  -Do men like shopping? We go in knowing exactly what we want, and come out with it. Rarely anything more. In and out: that’s what we like about shopping. Getting in, and getting out.

                  -How do men feel about interracial dating? It depends on the man. But really, who cares these days.

                  -Do me  get bothered when you ask them about their past? Yes—it makes us uncomfortable. We think you’re trying to dig deep into our soul when you start trolling through our past and, possibly, passing judgment on it. Still, you have the right to know about a man’s past. Just don’t ask about it on the first date, because you will not get an honest answer, ever.

                  -How do men feel about gossip? We hate gossiping. But we know we can’t stop it. It’s an invasion of privacy.

THE END