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Assalamualaikum and hello, o awesome readers!

I guess I'm pretty cool person because everything is strange. Life. People. And yeah, I don't know what planet I'm on. 

Anyway, thanks for all your support.

Showing posts with label how i feel right now. Show all posts
Showing posts with label how i feel right now. Show all posts

Tuesday, December 20, 2016

How i spent my day leave


Today is my day leave.
A day annual leave that i have to took with no plan.
I'm in dilemma.
What i'm gonna to do?
After finished my late case yesterday, i still thinking what i'm gonna do with my life tomorrow.
I really, really, donno what to do.

I already clear out my bank statement, my activities schedule, and not worth it if i want to go back Johor only for a day, right.
Even i missed them so much!

Did i will just spent a day on my bed.
Sleep all day long.
Or eat my bar chocolate, or junk food and cheat on my diet?

But, this morning... i woke up around 04: 30 morning!
Without any alarm.
With my messy hair, i get my phone and check out internet.
Looking through What's app, if have any message that they are free today and wanna hang out with me.
Disappointingly, i go to bathroom and do my routine.

Check out my clock, 05:25 am,
I think why not i pampered my self with Islamic ways. Close my soul to my Creator.
Then quickly, i get ready, and when I heard Azan ...
I pick up my Siti Khadijah telekung bag and walk to the nearest surau.
And here, I pray that Allah will bless my day.

I think that the saddest Subuh i ever had. I donno why I cried a lot that morning.
Even in my first Al Fatihah, my tears already show my feeling.
That i'm alone and miserable.
That i have lots and lots of sin.
That's I now realized how limited my time for Him.
And when I'm free now, how can I said that i have nothing to do, because He has lots of plans for me?
I can do dzikir, non stop dua, even recite Quran.

In that time, I remember back the memories of person i lost.
My relative, my brother in law especially, Al Fatihah to him.
And these make me cried more.

Also to all the person i missed, my family.
And how my unladylike to people who are care for me.
My friends, and my colleague.
Even to the owner of this telekung.
I hope they forgive me.

And the way i wore, I must more cover, think that no person that i should please.
Yeah. Baby step it's ok.
I know Allah will help me.

And I cried to Allah that can He make my dream come true about Umrah thing.
I really want to see Kaabah face to face before i closed my eyes.
I want the feeling of only Allah and me.
I and Him.
My slow walk, with Quran in my hand.
InsyaAllah on fine day. Oh Allah.

And I pray for Aleppo.
For Allah to help innocent people there.
And my small dua for them

Now, i just finished my breakfast. I want to clean out my room.
And faster recite Quran and study it more.
I want my heart heals as it should be.
I want back my pure white soul.
Only for my Creator, my Allah.
Bless me, please.

= )