Assalamualaikum.
I used to be a friendly and happy go lucky person.
Everyday always bright and sunshiny. I played and did lots of prank with my childhood friends.
Argh, the memories!
Missed it.
And when i entered kindergarten, im so excited because i can meet new friends and exploring more.
Then one day its change everything.
... That the sky not always blue and the sun doesn't always shine.
There is one boy in my class, he is always at number last in my class and he's not handsome too.
As what my judgements are at that time ok.
And then day by day, i accepting his existence and sometimes look at him from a far. Why he be like that?
He's slow learner, and 'blur-blur' person and not mingle much. I also realised that his life is so bad and not even a rainbow accompany.
Hardly seen him smile. I pity him. I can't.
And one day, i bravely approached and smile brightly at him. And he just look at me for a seconds. I stares back, there he is... Blurred. I'm shocked.
After we go to standard one school, i then noted that he is included in a special class. So then, the reality hit me hard.
There's a person like this in this world.
That need a big attention.
The autism, the Adhd and so on.
I felt bad not only about them but for my self truly.
From here, its change the way I'm thinking...
When i became 'pengawas' at high schools, the more i mingle around the more i seen people like this.
Especially friends at class 'belakang-belakang'. More horrified.
I don't like how people think that me at the front class are better than them and there is hard barriers between us. Like a racism!
And they kept saying don't mingle around with them or even worse stay in our circles.
'pandai-pandai' and 'tak pandai-tak pandai'.
Why? Why can't we help each other, learning more specifically maybe and then success together. Is it against the law?
As i grown older. Shoot.
Ok reality. As i entered the international university for higher education, I'm facing real racism may not only between us Malaysia but also any people from this world.
I can see how the body languages and the intonation when they spoke. There's something fishy everywhere.
I don't like how they criticise and not even used words 'membina'. You can felt the hurts inside.
I don't like this culture and mingles thing anymore.
So i starts to avoiding people.
I built my own space to against them.
I kept my wall solid.
I don't want people judging me from head to the toe.
Later as i kept my life private, i got my own term to my situation...something that i don't want people to know me better than myself.
Yeah, it's me and I'm happy with it.
Not that I'm arrogance, shy, ego much or what.
I'm just comfortable only with who am i.
I don't like people touch me too.
Obviously in my own space.
This lead to...
The more comfortable I'm with myself the more i avoided people around me. Especially my housemate or even my best friends.
Not my families duh, 'mau kena lempang?'.
About eight or nine years ago, i started work fully and the words 'kawan sekerja' worried me.
How can i deal with people? So i applied to work at the normal clinics at the Johor Bahru. So far, i only have a six people included my boss to communicate with.
But i will facing same patient or new face everyday. So i terribly in the bad condition. Or should i just go back home and stay in my room?
Days passed, and I'm survived. So i change my mind. I want to work at big hospital and see how i can develop myself.
I moved to Kuala Lumpur, then i slowly accepted people openly in my life back. Why?
It partly because of my planning to go Umrah. As its fully sponsored under me, i need to settle it from the started to the end. I just realised, somehow i may depends in theirs.
I need them in my life.
'Tragic enough ayatttt'...
So after that, the more I'm surrounded by many people, meet them everyday. I slowly put holes in my walls.
Not bad.
But still, not too close enough as my walls are standing still.
My communication skills might be changes to be better, but i still preferred listening than talking.
As eyes is main point in this part, rather than i accepting how they gonna turn me as a victim... I twisted the plot by reading to their mind.
Bravo!
Not I'm judging them, i just analysed those information and body languages part. It's fun actually.
So that i can replied everything with facts or 'selitkan' any advices. Something like that.
As it, i ended everything well. Don't want any enemies huh.
Right now, these people we called them as 'mak cik' or 'pak cik bawang'.. So be careful guys.
Even they can't see you face to face, commenting in social media hurts a lot too. Every words are counting!
This snake trapped are poisoning to our minds.
Don't argue with the idiots, they will drag you down to their level. This is your life, this is your rules.
So don't be a victim but may or not just ignore them.
Just play the game well.
You can do it.
